De vida en vida

Hermoso paraíso de salud. In Reeducation I would look at other people going about their lives and think: they are not less imperfect, or more guilty than I, yet they are not being interrogated, and they clearly feel free. I admired them as they swung their shoulders, looked forward and sideways, and walked right along.

I wondered for many years how I might get out into life again, but it was on the other side of the glass. I had passed as through a mirror into a distorted universe.

Later on the glass almost dissolved several times. I would almost walk through, but it would grow thicker and grayer – or I would be pulled back from this edge by someone else, and the glass would go dark.

Now I walk many days on the true side of the glass, with no burden, and I do not know how I got here.

Years of chiseling and I remained inside. One day suddenly, I saw that I was on the outside of the glass, walking in the universe. I can hardly believe it, but there it is.

*

Comment from Student: An addiction is something you insist upon having in your life and which causes you great problems. I learned instantly: I am addicted to not sleeping enough. This habit is limiting me and that is why I do not want to do it, but it is also why I do it. I have been looking for a solution to this problem, but the solution is the perception of what it is. I am going to stop it tout court, not coax it or interpret it, stop it.

Comment from Student: When you are a fulfilled person, your wounds or secrets affect you in a positive way. When you are not, your wounds or secrets affect you negatively. I learned instantly: Reeducation insisted that your wounds or secrets affect you negatively. I had to learn to limit myself again, so that they would. I said to the student: That is interesting since in popular discourse it is expected that these should affect one negatively, and that one should reveal both to have them healed. The student said: Of course. Those in power do not want us to have secrets, because secrets are revolutionary, and because people with wounds that affect them positively are revolutionary.

Axé.

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “De vida en vida

  1. kiita

    Smart student.

    I relate especially to the first part of this post. I think I’m moving away from a tried-and-true pattern and into the unknown. It’s an exhilarating and terrifying kind of fear but at the same time it means joining others on the other side of the glass.

  2. Yes–smart student.

    Actually that is precisely the point I am trying to bring out concerning Marechera’s work — that his wounds seemed to have revolutionary p0tential.

    But can the bourgeois types see this at all?

    Indications from the recent conference suggest that they cannot. They probably haven’t been exposed to such experiences and perspectives that would enable them to do so.

  3. I also think you cannot see these things and still be bourgeois. The second student says these experiences mean you are not a “virgin person” and so you see beyond platitudes. There is, it occurs to me, also the Nick Cave lecture where he talks about trauma being necessary because it converts your life into a serious matter. I use this lecture to teach romanticism sometimes and students either get it completely or do not understand at all.

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