I am a fetishist.

So far today I have almost 1,500 hits on this blog, a number I never get, evidently because I mentioned a Hollywood movie and pornography in the same post. I am now attempting to drive my hit count up by declaring myself a fetishist.

The blogger Clarissa says she is a masochist and by the definition of this she is using, so am I since when I am at home in Maringouin, I lead a more painful and less pleasant life than I could. I really do, and I have not yet learned how to stop this in practice, although of course I see how in theory.

Today, however, I realized I have an additional tool to stop it and it is a fetish, or it works like one. This means that although I may not be an actual masochist, I am a fetishist, and I will now describe this.

In Mexico last month, I bought a couple of pairs of jeans because I did not have enough with me and they were on sale. I like them quite a lot and I wear them all the time.

So this morning I woke up late, feeling terrible still because I had been assaulted by Oliver Stone’s terrible movie Savages. It was going to be a disappointingly bad day, I thought, because I had too much of a violence hangover (I get these – expose me to too much violence and general crassness, and I will get a kind of hangover) to make it pleasant.

When I put on the Mexican jeans, though, I suddenly thought I was in my room in Mexico City and had a completely different thought: what would I like to do to enjoy my incredibly deserving self today? When would I like to get some interesting work done, so I could feel even better, and in what lovely scenery would I like to walk?

Do you see? It was the jeans that caused this, and I am a fetishist.

*

I am quite a constructive fetishist, too, I must say. I wanted to go and eat sushi and drink wine to improve the day; it would have cost me $30. In real life I went to the grocery store, spending $40, and now I am cooking for today and tomorrow.

I am poaching fresh drumfish and organic eggplant slices with shallots in olive oil, white wine, and Mexican sour cream. I have also made a potato and scallion salad with salt, more Mexican sour cream, and a small amount of Ojai mayonnaise.

(I am a brilliant cook and part of it is having lived in Denmark, where one makes potato salad without overdoing the dressing or having too much of it, and putting in as many vegetables (like fresh scallions, peppers, and mushrooms) as one does potatoes.)

I am a genius fetishist.

Axé.

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3 Comments

Filed under Arts, News

3 responses to “I am a fetishist.

  1. And you have succeeded in making me hungry!

  2. Z

    Oh, good! And you are in N.O., so you have more restaurants and interesting food stands than I do here!

    (Guess what — this is all for naught — it is not pornography, or Oliver Stone, or fetishism that is getting me all these hits. It is a couple of new pingbacks to my all time most popular post, in which I probably illegally reproduce an entire essay by Joan Didion.)

    • Well, at least it’s not Oliver Stone that’s causing all the pingbacks… I ended up going for pork chops & roasted veggies, and somehow I can still fit into my jeans afterwards! I doubt if this makes me a fetishist, or maybe it does. There are now officially too many fetishes for me to keep up with.

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