It is the topic of this blog, really: I am trying to de-Reeducate myself which means mentor myself, and my education was good but Reeducation was, essentially, bad mentoring. There is this to talk about in my case but it is not all. And yet I am tired of talking.
I think I just had the standard things thrown at me too many times, I never got advice tailored to me specifically, never got asked about my own priorities, there was never a dialogue, it was just do as I say or you will not survive.
I really only need a small amount of breathing space, a small amount of support, a small amount of autonomy, but it is not always clear at all how to get these. Sometimes I think I must tear violently a work-space, there may be no other option, but I think really I need to breathe life into one somehow.
Touching real work every day helps a very great deal. Noticing when one is engaging in self-abuse (“for your own good!”) helps, and I also find that breathing myself larger, breathing the space within myself larger and between myself and others larger, also helps.
Mantras for the week, once again, are you are not crazy and you have power. Also: your expertise is good, and it is not unwelcome to all.