I do not learn very much by doing so. That is one big reason why. The other reason is that the students in these classes are such black holes for energy. The third reason is the textbook industrial complex which is massive. The fourth reason is that it makes me a soldier in the departmental language wars. The fifth reason is that there is just so much else to do and this is one of the things that can be done well by many.
That does not mean I do not intend to do my job, or do my best to make the situation work pleasantly for the students, or enjoy them as people, or respect my colleagues or my field — all of which are what people tend to think I mean when I say I do not like to teach foreign languages. (Gosh, people are condescending, and they do project a lot of immaturity!) All I am saying is that it is just service.
Professors routinely proclaim with pride that they are bad at administration and service. Why can I not say I do not like to teach foreign languages? I am not even saying I am bad at it, whereas the professors who proclaim incompetence at service and are openly saying they are unable to accomplish a part of their job! Why is it traitorous not to like to teach foreign languages?
I am doing it for money but I do not like to teach foreign languages. I really, really do not like to teach foreign languages.
I can say so because I am not doing it this semester. All the few semesters in which I do not have to do it are semesters in which, in the absence of the pain of doing it, I finally feel it, and can let it drain from me.
And part of Reeducation was having to consider the teaching of foreign languages sacred, put it above other things, say it is one’s mission, sacrifice everything for it. This lust for language martyrdom is what I am ashamed of not feeling, and also angry about being required to feel. But thinking rationally, why must one feel that feeling to do something well?