This is my last illumination for the night, from Wogglebug who has led us to a new consideration of verbal violence. From a certain point on (Reeducation, to be exact, which disallowed one from drawing a boundary around the violent world and putting it in its place, which is the best way to clear one’s desk) I associated academic writing with verbal violence.
“Disagree with this one, even mildly, and all H— will break loose.” I do not want to enter that kind of fray and this is why I have this sense of foreboding and fear the moment I see myself beginning to form an independent thought. My feelings on this are limited to Hispanism, which is why I wanted to leave this field that is only half mine, anyway — I was disabled for it, although not for other things.
I could not continue to work on Vallejo for this reason and I have always wanted to work on Freyre, and was silent because I could not calmly respond to some things people said and did, using him, long ago, around gender and race. That is a reason I am in this hair raising state. I must envision maintaining bodily integrity and keep on saying I have the right to write like a scientist.
This is something one might need Suzette Haden Elgin’s book for, although again I do not want to work on it in words but by reimagining the body and physical space. I should also keep my actual audience, allies and associates in view, reasonable people.