At the pool I ran into my ex’ other ex and we exchanged notes on our summer activities. “You have a nice life,” she said; “I did try to make this summer good,” said I.
But in general I do have a pleasant life and it is because of having given up considering what I learned, namely:
– that my expertise was false and had been gained upon false premises, and
– that my having autonomy or self determination was hurtful to others.
¿Cómo, y en qué momento me jodí? asks this blog. What stops you? Let us try to boil the answers to this question down some more, to their clearest and most skeletal form:
– the idea that one should not be who one is
– the ideas that it is impossible that one could be who one is, and that one is “dishonest” to claim to be who one is
– the idea that one has no right to be who one is
– the idea that if one insists upon being who one is, people will suffer and die
– the idea that one’s ideas and perceptions are necessarily wrong, because of who one is, and that it is disrespectful to have any ideas or perceptions of one’s own.
These ideas tend to cause me to try to be as little myself as possible, while still surviving; that has a number of detrimental effects including failure to thrive. I started this weblog to eradicate these ideas. I said I would go back to living as I had before. I was told you cannot go back, but I have in fact made great strides in this endeavor.