→It is the gaslighting and the undermining, even more than the lack of a research culture.
My claustrophobia. I did not say this myself, but someone else said my problem was having to work at too low a level. (He said something much blunter than that, about having to work “seven categories” beneath my capability.) I discern that my claustrophobia is self-inflicted. I keep trying to lower horizons, have less verve, become less intelligent, limit thought. That could be where the claustrophobia comes from.
My hesitancy or mental fog. It is a result of trying to adjust to the claustrophobia. That is to say, it is in part self-inflicted. It is also a reaction to the gaslighting and the undermining, but it is in part a result of my acquiescence to these, my intentional effort to become less capable.
→I do not like those people who claim superiority to their surroundings, and those claims are often false. But I could consider resisting engulfment by surroundings at the very least.