Let us see, now:
I liked graduate school and it was good for me but my perceptions were distorted because I kept hearing one should not like it; that it was unwise and also uncool to stay in it; and also that I would not be competitive on the job market and so should definitely not stay in it.
BALANCE: I liked it.
Professor job #1: hated it, knew it right away, wanted to quit and go into business or do another degree, retrain. Could see that now that I had been at that place, an elite SLAC, I was tainted, could never recover and get to a public R-1. Could see that only a public R-1 was for me; I might as well go into almost anything else if I were not destined for that … anything with a large organization, fast-paced, high-powered, something international, something high level.
BALANCE: I am not like most professors — they are teach or die; they want to be saved from large, impersonal organizations, they do not know what else to do. I like large cities; they think it is snobbish to like these; eso a mí me tiene sin cuidado.
Professor job #2: I liked it, but could not admit this because everyone else hated it and to be cool you had to hate it, and be trying to get to a similar, but better place.
BALANCE: I liked it. AND this was the place where I came up with my law school plan; did not implement that right off because I liked the job I had. I should not have thrown it away, but I did because of Reeducation. I got irritated with people who said I did not know what I wanted: I said, of course I know, it is a certain kind of academic job, and if I cannot get that, a certain other kind of job in business or government or the non-profit sector, capisci?
Professor job #3: horrified by it, but imprisoned in it. My having it satisfies those individuals heavily invested in my being a professor, but does not satisfy me at all nor meet my financial needs.
WHAT I WILL DO: Start fighting back in job #3, it appears. It would seem that given my willingness to do other things I should jump, and I may, but the thing to do in any case and starting now is fight back in job #3.