Now everything is beautiful again and it has to do with pleasure. Or the self-love I lost in Reeducation and have difficulty summoning here.
It is not this town that is terrible, although it does not suit me; and it is not academia, although I wish I could have done something more interesting. It is this university having been, and being such a space of trauma.
The idea of “getting back to what needs to be done” is so freeing in so many senses. In Reeducation, doing what needed to be done would have been considered “being in denial” and “having control.”