Now I think I have demolished both academic advice and Reeducation with that phrase, “pessimistically driven.” I might better use this weblog as an affirmation of an alternative rather than a defense against these forces. That is how it was originally conceived.
I am so accustomed to the experience of this town and university as spaces of imprisonment and torture that it is difficult not to react to them in that way, even though it is also true that I have the power to reconstruct my introjected images of them in another way.
As I told my also suffering colleague, it is a question of not expecting oneself to be ecstatic with the situation. Here, in particular, ecstasy is very much expected. We seem inadequate because we feel more ecstatic in other places — places we would not care about if we were more successfully repressed.
So we will not ask ourselves to feel ecstatic, and we will cultivate our gardens, and do our will.