We — my only real colleague and I — have both decided, independently of one another, that we are no longer unhappy with Maringouin, our town, or even with Vichy State, our university. It is our main department that dogs us, by undermining our senses of self and professional expertise. I, meanwhile, have been talking to this post, which is really about another post.
As we know, I am against (most standard) academic advice for reasons the original poster (whom I have not read directly) articulates: either you are interested, and you know what you are doing, and you develop a method, or you are not and you do not. The manuals designed to convert non researchers into researchers are misguided, in their efforts to mechanically convert non research oriented people into productive machines. One needs to learn the secrets of any profession and tricks of every trade, yes, but that is a different matter.
I don’t agree that just wanting something is enough to give one the strength to surmount all obstacles. And my own worst problem is not lack of desire but the feeling that I do not deserve to do this work. There are historical reasons for that, which I have discussed before. My remedy now comes in the form of short sentences, designed to dissipate the complex knot of misguided thoughts that tells me I do not deserve this and I cannot do it because it is not mine to do.
I used to explain the mental fog that comes over me by saying I was not interested in the work. That is why I have detached from it, I would say. At these times it is really myself with whom I have lost touch. (I should write a crime drama about it, in which either I or my work have been kidnapped, or both, and we must be reconciled.)
Now when the fog comes over me, rather than ask whether I have the right work methods, or whether I am actually interested in what I am doing, I counter demons by saying: I am a person. I am right about curriculum (there is a context for that statement); I have professional expertise; I have good research insights; I would do well to fight on my own side rather than against myself; and most importantly, this work is mine.