I can list them now.
1. Self respect.
2. Sense of reality.
3. Ability to trust anyone.
At the time, I said the problem was that I had contracted self-hatred. That is true, too, but this list is more useful.
I know what one can say: if I lost them that easily, I did not have them in the first place, or I wanted to lose them. I do not agree.
I would, however, like to learn how to turn off the veritable fire-hose of self-destructive criticism that starts in my mind when I wake up in the morning, and any time I start doing anything having to do with work. I want my confidence and my focus back.