It had a quotation about advising people on graduate school that I thought was smart but that bothered me in the end. I killed it by mistake but perhaps that was a good thing. I am going to stop railing about academic advice because in the end it is a personal issue, I am talking about academic advice, I discern, to talk about something else and I would like to see what that is, if I can.
Railing against academic advice used to be illuminating but it is starting to hurt. I do not know that I want to think about it any more. I would like to stop reacting against (a) the doom and gloom atmosphere — don’t do this, and (b) the coercion — you must now do this and only this. I would like to stop being the one who listens and tries to find meaning.
This semester I would like to just be a person, like the others. To drop my ancient role as marginalized aspirant. To stop having to struggle against bad news. To stand in expertise. To drop pain. If you translated my dissertation into a personal statement it would say: “But I do not like to be under the power of sadists, and I want agency.”