The things I used to work on are beautiful and fascinating but I never stopped to enjoy them, really, because from time immemorial I had been employing the efficiency model in the interest of getting things done, making deadlines. Other people may have explored as undergraduates or beginning graduate students but my friends and I went at it like tenure-track assistant professors at very good schools. We went at it as our professors did, to be precise, and we modeled ourselves after the ones who were clearly going to make tenure.
I only see now, as I return to them briefly, how truly interesting the things I used to work on are.
I stopped working on those things in part, I think, because I had to declare independence from several things including that get-it-done model. You have to actually take pleasure in all of these things and let them work on you. That is what they want to do, after all.
Meanwhile there is the pleasure of feeling calm. That, of course, in Reeducation was being too “controlled” and not enough ruled by passing “feeling.” I don’t agree at all. The yogis, for instance, are calm so that they can meditate and come to the heart of matters.