The term “soul murder” could fit. The feeling of having been killed. That is why I started this weblog as the weblog of someone speaking from beyond the grave.)
It is hard to do academic work in field because the person who did that was killed.
Or, as I said many years ago, went into hiding.
In any case the important thing today is that I did write a few sentences and I did not self-destruct.
The point, as we know, is not what can be done to you, but what you can be taught to do to yourself.