It is easily possible to live yet better. To do so, one must remember not to torture oneself (I am so trained to that that I do it automatically unless I remind myself that I can be kinder, as I have in fact ben in some eras). One must also remember that one has rights and that one’s perceptions may be right. This things are very strengthening.
The weeks in which I get depressed and frustrated are those in which I do not have time for research and writing. It is the deprivation but it is also the shame at not being able to rise above circumstances. Shame is weakening and must be combatted.
I think I am spread too thin. I say I do not work hard enough but in reality it is only that I am spread too thin. I am not sure what to do about it in the current circumstance: the things asked of me are primarily out of field and out of range of interest, and my interests and commitments are already broad. Part of the shame I feel has to do with not having been able to transform myself into someone else; the anger I feel has to do with having been asked to do that.