More from Miller

  • Work according to Program and not according to mood. Stop at the appointed time!
  • When you can’t create you can work.
  • Cement a little every day, rather than add new fertilizers.

Those are our three points du jour, although my favorites are still “Work on one thing at a time until finished” and “Work calmly, joyously, recklessly on whatever is in hand.” (I have a great deal to say about turning oneself into a creative person again, or a person with subjectivity and agency again. You must cultivate yourself and this is what people do not understand; even sacrificers and penitents cultivated themselves.)

I want research time and Fulbrights. It is unrealistic to expect oneself to work here because of the atmosphere, or elsewhere because one’s things are here. How to manage these problems. I might need a New Orleans sublet. (I must stay in touch with Hunter.)

I want to understand how I self destructed for once and for all, and stop wondering. I know and knew exactly what I wanted to do. How to walk through those glass doors and ceilings now?



1 Comment

Filed under Banes, News

One response to “More from Miller

  1. Z

    The answer to those questions is, it was the abusive background and relationships that I did in fact try to get resolution on.

    What I wanted: the research atmosphere, the creativity, the sabbaticals, the Fulbrights. Again, not the prestige as people keep accusing me — the type of work. But I lost self respect because of the way I was treated, and lost the confidence to get and have these things.

    That psychotherapy basically killed my book contract and my Fulbright, I gave them up because I decided I did not deserve them, basically.

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