What we actually want may be what we have, but I took the weekend off and had a truly nice and interesting time. Like the people who always have pleasant weekends, I think, riding bicycles, days at the beach.
With my mind clear I am entirely ready to do work and especially research and writing and dissertation reading and seminar leading and upper division class preparation. I would like this to be a research and writing day.
It is not and most days cannot be. I already find myself procrastinating therefore on what must actually be done, and feeling frustrated and claustrophobic.
It was a nice illusion, though, that glimpse of what it would be to sit down at one’s desk of a Monday morning to the kind of work one likes, or likes better.
I wonder if I can make this real. What are the ingredients? Insistence on one’s identity as expert and professional is one of the things.