I hate composting (original text)

Another thing I hate is composting. It is one thing to do it outside but I hate kitchens with a nasty tub of compost by the sink and another nasty fermenting compost pail. People wonder why I do not cook and eat out but it is because I do not like the smell of this stuff. In addition, usually the houses in which composting is done are also dusty and cluttered, and their inhabitants, self-righteous and moralistic. It is such an awful atmosphere, composting, and I am not a hippie. Down with farmers’ markets, down with yoga, down with bicycles and Caltrain, down with sensible shoes, I hate them all, and I-280, and women who don’t wear makeup, and chlorinated pools.

Axé.

11 Comments

Filed under Banes, Poetry

11 responses to “I hate composting (original text)

  1. The original text is much better.

    This form of composting sounds horrible. I’ve never heard of such a thing.

    • Z

      It’s deep hippiedom, it is. Have you heard of wearing garlic in the ears to cure infections? Using patchouli as disinfectant? That is all part of it, and I never liked any of it. Hippie society is heavily patriarchal, and there is no hygiene, and no respect for other peoples’ things.

  2. Z

    OK, I will put the revision here, and delete the post, then. I was the wrong person would recognize the original, too many identifying marks, but I have let fly. This was the revised, soft-pedaled version:

    I hate composting

    Besides coercion and bad spelling, I hate composting. It is one thing to do it outside but I hate kitchens with a nasty tub of compost by the sink and a larger fermenting compost pail. People wonder why I do not cook in these situations, but it is because I do not like the look and smell of this stuff — I could perhaps handle it for a day or two in a reenactment of an 18th century kitchen, and I have seen 20th and 21st century farm style kitchens that were like this, but I was not the cook.

  3. Z

    Also:

    The composter profile includes a good stock portfolio, a New York Times subscription, a house full of thrift store purchases overflowing from storage space, expensive clothes (when you consider the actual cost of what is “reasonable” on a six figure income), and cheap furniture. I am not a hippie and I am much less than that an aging hippie.

    I cannot believe that some of the straightest, most suburban people I went to college with have gotten “alternative” in this way but upon reflection it makes perfect sense. Is this what people mean when they talk about “liberals”?

  4. Wow. What brought that on?

    • Z

      Irritation at dirt and clutter in this house I am housesitting and at feeling hounded to make sure I am watering enough. I already feel the weight of the responsibility without also getting reminders from persons who are supposed to be on vacation getting away from it all.

  5. Edited. N.Ed. Hattie, are you feeling all right? –Z

  6. Z

    It took a week to allow myself to realize I wanted not to have to sleep in this house and to realize I was justified. Another few days to realize that I could in fact rent something else and then just come over to discharge my responsibilities. Today I realized I could have hired someone to come in and clean.

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