Les chaussures

Meanwhile — what day should I order those shoes? To try to have them arrive June 5 … or June 17 … or even wait until then to order them in the first place? (What if they disappear in the meantime?) This resembles frivolity, but is not.

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La table

I am looking for a desk or table 28″ high and these are not easy to find, despite this being one of the recommended heights for desks. I have found these amazing table legs, however. Then there is this, which I do not love, but it is only 27″ high and I could truly love that.

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Fragments

Someone suggested we write an essay, an ideological intervention, against the reconfiguration of the university as workforce preparation.

It appears that already in the 1950s it was noted that Americans had been trained to work, but not to live. Entertainment is the opium of these masses, so that they are not energized to seek more spontaneous forms of living, and they need second jobs because their houses and household objects were engineered for obsolescence and require replacement from time to time.

My most successful student is that because she learned a great deal about how to live, how to spend leisure time, in college.

This is the kind of essay I like to write, and these take some research.

In travel plans I still need, at this time: a RENFE/SNCF tickets both to the Autun area and on to Paris, and a place to stay in Paris. For December, I need a place to stay on the way down to Los Angeles; perhaps Cambria, and perhaps some Air Bed and Breakfast near LAX … Marina del Rey, for instance. I need a place to stay in S.F./Marin as well. All of these things should be acquired sooner rather than later, from what I can tell.

Something I should aspire to, and should have been aspiring to for some time, are artists’ retreats like this. I was born to organize, born to write, and born to take long walks; these are my main characteristics, I think.

That was me before Reeducation and I am becoming that person again, only moreso. I am eating lunch at home, vegetables and complicated salads. Tofu. Carrots. Chicken fricassée with local hens.

There was a day when I was not depressed at all. Not depressed does not mean happy, it means you are feeling well physically, your mind is clear, and you are comfortable within yourself. You do not have to think about yourself or about how to handle pain, but think straight out about the world.

That had to do with having swum a long way the day before and worked on poetry that night, and with wearing clothes I liked and shoes that align my spine, but it was new since merely doing these things was not enough to make me un-depressed before. I am changing, learning to do what I want, perhaps.

There is much I could recount. Last summer I learned that one should fight on one’s own side but this summer I will learn that one must love oneself if one is to do this perfectly. I had a dream I cannot remember, that had to do with my mother and made me want to write a piece of fiction on her, about the complexity of people and on how one cannot come to “resolution” or a conclusion about who somebody was or, necessarily, what they meant.

There were so many things I renounced, but among them were self-love and meditation. There are two things I am lacking, and they are feeling comfortable where I live and having greater access to research culture. One thing I do not give myself enough credit for is how discouraging our job is, the atmosphere at our job, the people at our job; this must be recognized so it can be actively combatted. One thing I notice is that I have friends in Maringouin now.

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Nervous Colonialism

There is a new study on colonial nervousness. This is, of course, not a new topic. Our condition in Maringouin is also colonial, and this is likely the source of our nerves (Maringouin being one of the more nervous places I have lived).

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¿No hay tal yo de conjunto?

Consider this.

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El castigo sin venganza

Lope de Vega composed it in 1631, when he was 68. This performance was realized in the Globe Theatre, in 2014. The play is now 384 years old.

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Goddesses of Suicide

A. I just wrapped a 6th form course at Campion College on critical thinking, and one of the biggest challenges the kids are facing is being funnelled into careers they have no interest in because their parents insist that they need to undertake those professions to make money. The implicit message is that you should live a life you loathe in order to buy things that will make up for hating what you do every day. How did we get here? When I point out that success comes in many forms — like the power couple of science teaching Kippy and Jeannie Chin who are responsible for educating something like 90 per cent of the doctors in Jamaica today, or Principal Grace Baston who integrated Campion and made it available to a broader spectrum of Jamaican society — many give me confused looks. Let’s not kid ourselves, money — which has always been important — has now become the only standard of value. Capitalism, which started out as an economic system, one which told us how to organise labour and capital, has now surreptitiously morphed into a value system telling us now what constitutes the good life.

B. When I told my parents that I wanted to study philosophy and religion in college, they were simply thrilled that I wanted to be erudite and educated. No one ever asked what I would do with that. I shudder to think of how today’s parents would have ushered me off to law school to become another bored and alienated lawyer. Suicide may have loomed larger for me if I had to live a life which was not my choosing. How do you see the suicides where mothers leave young children behind, or the pilot who takes 150 passengers with him? Is that darkness somehow different than the “ordinary” suicide?

A. [O]ne of the most undiagnosed forms of child abuse in our societies is unleashed by parents who place these burdens on their children. If we really want to have a real conversation about alienation, depression and suicide then let’s talk about parents who bring children into the world and then charge them for it. To be birthed and then expected to justify your existence, first to your parents, by being a financially commoditised object is pure evil! So, parents need to start by allowing their children the freedom to fail, pick themselves up, and then even fail again, and to honour the unique talents their children have and not put them through the psychological equivalent of Chinese foot-binding.

Read the whole thing.

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